“If you hear a voice within you say ‘you cannot paint,’ then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced.”
~Vincent Van Gogh
Hey Loves! As we approach the new year, we doing a lot of unpacking and shedding old skins. Everyone I have ever known to be a likable person in this world has admitted to periods of insecurity. They looked at themselves from the perspective of someone else, maybe a person with no appreciation of their talents, personality traits, abilities and judged themselves unfairly. Overcoming insecurity and liking yourself again requires patience and practice, but it can be done.
I remember being a little girl with so much confidence, but as time went on into middle school, highschool, puberty and being from a different continent who then became a citizen in a new continent. I became aware of myself and slowly began to lose my confidence. It didn’t help that Acne decided to come into life and stay for along period of time. If you’ve felt insecure for years, untangling yourself from it may seem easier said than done. Insecurity can feel like a cloak around you that is too heavy to push off. As uncomfortable as it feels, it has become a safe and familiar place.
Here are 8 Ways To Conquer Your Insecurity
- Stop focusing on the unchangeable – There are some things we simply can’t change about ourselves. We can’t change the past. We can’t change aspects of our appearance. We can’t change other people. So simply remove your focus from those things. A wise man once said, do not focus on things you can’t control or change. As you begin to untangle your insecurities, you want to replace them with healthy, positive beliefs and thinking about yourself.
2. Consider it beautiful – Insecurity is vulnerability of spirit . It is essentially humility, which is a divine quality. In fact, since pride is considered to be the origin of sin then humility would be the greatest spiritual virtue. With insecurity, we admit that it’s not all about us, and that philosophy in this world of self-centeredness is quite lovely.
3. Create perspective – Whatever your particular insecurities happen to be, take some time to look at the rest of the human race. Imperfection is everywhere. Really, how many beautiful, talented, brilliant, perfect people are there? We may see them in the media, but that’s because they are edited, to what the media sees as acceptable or “the Standard”. Even those you think are beautiful and confident have their own insecurities.
4. Take action on what you can – The act of taking action gives you a sense of confidence, control, and security. If you can do something about it, then take an action toward change. If you are insecure about your appearance, and you can take healthy action toward improvement, then do it. If you are insecure about your skills in an area, take a class, read a book, start practicing. Don’t dwell on it. Do something. I find that the more, I do things that I am insecure about, the more confident I become.
5. Let go of people pleasing –First, recognize that no one is paying as much attention to you as you fear they are. They are too involved in themselves. If your goal in life is to always “look good” in front of others, I’m sorry to say you will never achieve it. Please yourself first. Create your own standards for who you want to be and then work toward that. If you mess up, fail, look silly, recognize that as a natural part of the human condition and move on. Laugh about it if you can.
Reclaim the Joy of Being You
6. Strengthen your strengths – Focus on what you like about yourself and what you do well. Become an expert in those things, draw attention to your strengths. If you’re not sure about your strengths, ask other people who know you well to help you define them. These aren’t just skills, they can be personality traits, attitudes, relational abilities. What you might take for granted, others perceive as amazing. Keep a journal in which you write down your strengths, achievements, and accomplishments. Look at it daily to remind yourself of the many wonderful things about you.
7. Avoid people you feel insecure around – I know this sounds like common sense, but it does require a bit of homework. Sometimes you have to rearrange your schedule, find a new route to work, take lunch at a different time, or compile a ton of excuses to have on hand. “I’m sorry I can’t go to happy hour with you guys. The truth is that your cliquish group does not make me happy. I have a better chance of getting happy by myself. You have to protect yourself. That should be your first priority for as long as you are feeling insecure, not convenience. Why torture yourself? If you think the popular group will notice, you’re wrong. Most likely they don’t care about you. But you won’t care that they don’t care if you are proactive about protecting yourself. Then, when you don’t feel as insecure, you can resume your old schedule or go to happy hour if you want.
8. Surround yourself with supportive people – There are only a few people in my life who get me. Who really get me. When I’m insecure, I will drive 250 miles to see them, or squeeze a half hour into my hectic evening to talk to them on the phone. They remind me of what is good and unique about myself. These people love that I have no filter, that I say whatever I am thinking out loud. Those trusted few are the voices of truth and we need as many voices of truth as we can get.
“We’re going to have to let truth scream louder to our souls than the lies that have infected us,” ~ Beth Moore.
As we enter the New Year, I’ve made a choice to unpack and let go of everything that not making become the full and whole version of myself. And I encourage you to partake in this journey with me. Let’s enter the New Year ready ready to become the best versions of ourselves.
With Love Always,
Ife
